


What Hurts The Most

by mooseysammy



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Billy Hargrove Being an Asshole, F/M, I'm so sorry, This Is Sad, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-07-09 17:41:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19891765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mooseysammy/pseuds/mooseysammy
Summary: Post Battle of Starcourt…Things are a little different in your apartment in Hawkins Indiana….But that doesn’t stop your memories of what used to be.





	What Hurts The Most

**Author's Note:**

> I broke my wrist so I’m typing one handed…sorry for typos!

What hurts the most was being so close  
And havin’ so much to say  
And watchin’ you walk away  
And never knowin’ what could’ve been  
And not seein’ that lovin’ you  
Is what I was trying to do

7:30 in the morning and the rain beating on the bedroom window pulled you from your sleep. It was the same routine as every morning since the incident. A shower for one, coffee for one, breakfast for one…

Everything used to be done in twos but that was a time when Billy Hargrove was more than just a memory.

There were days when the quiet home didn’t seem so bad, but other days it was deafening. Mornings like this usually lead to deafening days. You rolled over, the empty space in the bed was a constant reminder of the events at the Starcourt Mall a month prior. You caught yourself reaching into the vacant space, not sure what you would find. A part of you hoped this was all a dream. A part of you hoped to roll over to see Billy standing in the doorway ready for his lifeguard shift at Hawkins City Pool. That wasn’t the case though and you caught yourself staring out the window at the droplets of rain on the glass. On a day like this the pool would be closed anyway.

After fighting with yourself for a good 30 minutes or so you finally sat up in the bed, running a hand through your unruly bedhead. A quiet sigh escaped your lips as you played with the hem of the oversize Hawkins City Pool Lifeguard shirt you found yourself sleeping in a lot lately. The walk to the tiny kitchen in the apartment seemed like a long one without the usual company in the house. On good days, Billy would walk up behind you while you stood at the coffee pot waiting for it to brew. His strong arms would wrap around your waist, causing you to squeal as he lifted you up. He smelled like a mixture of cheap cologne, sunscreen and cigarette smoke. Some days, while you stood alone at the coffee pot you swore you could still smell the smoke, you could still feel his touch, you could still hear his beautiful laugh.

He was Billy Hargrove though, Hawkins Indiana’s token bad boy. That being said, there were bad days with the good. You always knew when it was going to be a bad day. Instead of waking up to a hug from behind and a low chuckle, you would wake up to one of your possessions hitting the wall. Usually the bad mood was triggered by his father calling and asking if the two if them would watch Max. You never minded it and you never understood why it bothered Billy so much. He would throw the phone down and inevitably tear the whole thing off the wall. 

“Billy, it’s not that big of a deal…,” you would mumble and gently touch his arm. His reaction was always the same though, a fist through the wall and him turning around to scream in your face about how Max wasn’t his responsibility. He never got physical with you which says a lot because Billy was physical with everyone else. The amount of times he came home bloodied from a fight were more than you could count. You would try to get the full story out of him but your questions were always returned with a grunt or two which simply meant he didn’t want to talk. 

Max never really stopped by anymore but you couldn’t blame her after what happened with Billy. Even you had trouble living in the space you two shared. The images of his suffering at the Starcourt Mall replaying in your head like a broken record. You woke up in a cold sweat on numerous occasions to the nightmare that was the night Billy was taken from you and the sinking feeling only got worse when you would reach out for him in the bed you two shared. Instead of his warmth, you found empty and cold sheets which only caused the tears to flow from your eyes more. 

Last night was one of those nights, you were reminded of it by your reflection in the bathroom mirror. Your eyes were red and swollen from crying and you shook your head at your reflection in disgust. If Billy were here he would have noticed. He always noticed little things like this when you were upset, but he would never admit to it. You always knew though, he would disappear from the apartment for a few hours while you sulked in the bedroom with a book. You would hear the front door open, the shuffling of feet and then the TV would turn on. Flowers were usually there to greet you, roses of course, but Billy never admitted to buying them or hoping they would cheer you up. They always did the trick though. 

There was a vase of roses sitting on the coffee table in front of the couch but they were long forgotten. No water or love or care for months had caused them to wilt. They needed to be thrown out but you didn’t have the heart to do it. So instead they sat in the vase as a reminder of the past and what could have been. The thought of the neglected flowers caused tears to well up in your eyes again like the rain that built up on the window sill. There was no sunshine, no laughter from kids outside, no music from people driving with their windows down enjoying the August sun.

There was nothing but silence and rain beating down on the tiny apartment.

On a day like today, you decided, there was nothing else to do but lay in bed and think about what could have been…


End file.
